Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Red Hammers do exist! They really do...

What the heck did I have for breakfast, you might think... What has a Red Hammer got to do with anything? Calm down, y'all. Here comes the story.

On a quite sunny morning, March 2nd (that's yesterday, right?) I get this message from my pal Wes, from some place near Liverpool, England. Where the Beatles come from, innit? John, Paul, Ringo and George...

The message said, Relax folks, you are about to witness some kick ass phenomenon that will blow your socks off! Wow! It then said you must give answers to a few questions... simple arithmetics that was, like, 56+7 equals... you got to think quick about the answer and scroll further down to verify your outcome; there you saw the right response, say...euh... 63! It went on like this for another four or five sums, and you hopefully got all those right, of course, and it made you feel kinda like Mensa level genius, after all. Until surprise came to town! Hold on your socks, folks!

It said... keep relax, calm down, think quick and, now, give me a color and a tool. Don't think for too long, just answer real quick, whatever pops out of your skull!

I goes... euh... Red... euh... Hammer!

I scroll down next... and, a few empty lines further down I fall into this paragraph sayin'... you guessed right, my friend! It is a Red Hammer (just like this, in bold type and in red color).

WHAT THE F@CK! Holy Jesus, Mary and Joseph! How the hell did it do that!?!? I'm telling you... It just rocked my socks off! I'm like, pinch me, mom... I'm dreaming! There's not much left in cyberspace that could still surprise me, but, this? Gimme a break!

As I scroll even further, the story continues... Don't you worry, it says, it appears that the vast majority of people taking the test come up with the same answer: Red Hammer. Why? Go ask your shrink, WTF do I know? However, I've spent too many years studying Statistics and Science to take that kind of shit for granted. Was that claim for real? Let's see for ourselves... Next thing I know, I fire the same message to more than a dozen contacts of mine, that I happen to feed with Internet jokes on a regular basis... I must admit, I get quite a few of them internet jokes from a couple good suppliers of mine on a daily basis, and I keep dispatching the best among those to my own recipient groups, just to lighten up their miserable executive lives as they keep wasting them by running their companies and businesses daily in the four corners of the planet. It's a good bunch, most of them living on both sides of this pond.

Not too long after that, answers started pouring in. "I got a blue hammer", sez one... "sorry, I ain't normal, as it appears". "I got a yellow screwdriver", sez paddy Shaun... "sorry, I'm Abbie Normal too". "I've got a gray spoon", sez another, "I guess, that's because I just had... my lunch!" Aint' that fun? Finally, a few of them, sounding terrified like they just escaped a falling wall in the recent Chile earthquake, admitted:"My Goad, I thought of a Red Hammer too! I haven't even seen a red hammer in my whole freakin' life...", said one, "...but I just thought of one!"

What is the conclusion of my mini survey, among pals, then? Apparently, Red Hammer wins. I had a dozen responses, whereby three of them were 50% "right" (selected either Red or Hammer), and four (incl. my own answer) got Red Hammer together. It wasn't the vast majority like the message initially claimed, but this is because most of my recipients are abnormal weirdos... what did you expect? Me, a genuine situs inversus - no kiddin' (google this and freak out), I eventually proved to be a lot more 'normal' than most of my pals! Go figure! Same thing, my ex-personal assistant, Annick. She's normal too. And Geert S. The best salesman born ever! Him too! And somebody else from P&G, whose name I forgot! Not Noel F, someone else!  In any case, the Red Hammer combination in these tests proved the highest, relatively speaking of course, and is pretty spooky and 'significant'. Try to explain that, dude...

BTW, I just googled "red hammer" in the images section and to my surprise, yes sir, there exist genuine red hammers indeed! One of them pictures I copied here for your pleasure too. So, Shaun my bro, you don't need to be a Turkeyneck like me to think of a Red Hammer after all! Red Hammers exist! Yep! They do!


Nabil said...

I sent the quiz to 8 people. Everyone responded they were in the 2%. I concluded:

1) 98% of them were lying as they wanted to show they were different

2) Birds of feather flock am surrounded by weirdos

3) The polling that was done to start with was flawed statistically.

I am leaning to 2) but can't believe the 98/2.

VJK said...

That's hilarious Nabil !!! Makes two of us with weirdo friends, by the way. I couldn't agree more with your reasoning...

I also thought, if the question was to think of a "color and an animal", would most of us have come up with "Pink Elephants"? Or, if it was an "animal and a verb"? Would we have come up with "pigs flying"? I wonder...

I'm sure shrinks can come up with more sophisticated theories than ours on the subject, nonetheless.


Wes said...

Hi, Vassily,
I sent it on to a range of friends, military, IT and some 'normal folks' and most came back with red hammer.

Though one very worrying one (military sniper) came back with a womand in red lingerie... How the hell he got to that I don't know.