Monday, October 29, 2007

Mad Max

I always thought of rap artists as senseless frigards with the IQ of a single cell organism... pure instict that is. I must admit that I like some of Eminem's songs though. When I was younger that was.

Lots of people believe rap being a phenomenal form of performance art where music (which one?) and literature combine to tell us about the miserable lives of inner city dickheads.

Recently, a smart kid, a student at an Oakland High School, turned in a paper in which he translated into 'normal' English the lyrics of this Mad Max villain Notorious B.I.G. album 'Ready to die' (I'm waiting impatiently for this to happen). The kid received first honors for his work and you can go read his original paper right here.

I am copying one small excerpt...

And my jam knock in the Mitsubishi
Girls pee pee when they see me, Nava-hoes creep me in they tee pee
As I lay down laws like I lay carpet
Stop it - if you think your gonna make a profit

I enjoy playing my music loudly on my car stereo. Apparently, women enjoy this also because they become sexually aroused when they see me driving. Oddly enough, when I visit the Native American reservations, some of the more sexually promiscuous Indian women attempt to seduce me in their homes. Their intent is to divest me of my earnings. Such actions are unacceptable...."

What do we learn from this?

A few things...

Rap artists are notorious dickheads, too stupid to learn any descent language, preferring English sounding jungle animal roars, who live to get laid and get fat. They think of themselves as... cool, by rap-ing like this, and they are also... hot for those fat (swingin') ass broads who get horny at the sight of those tasteless fatsos (being equally single digit IQ creatures themselves).

All they care is what they hold in their underpants and they can only talk about it because there's no free space available in their little tiny brains to think about anything else. And they love to carry guns as well. You see, it's extremely 'brave' to shoot someone (preferably in the back) that confront him with your own power and skill in a body to body fight (like Leo in 300).

I only got one single recommendation for humanoids of that sort: Guantanamo Bay! They might lose some weight and get some extra IQ units into their scull (although I seriously doubt about the latter).

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