Astrology vs. trading with Technicals

As I was reading the latest alerts posted by an online financial info provider I just couldn't stop thinking that some technical info predictions sound very much like astrology talk. Difference is that typically behind analysts' technical statements, based on charts, there is some proven 'theoretical' or 'empirical' rationale, which is not always the case with 'mediums' predicting the future based a subject's natal charts and future ephemerids. Let's play a game though, to see what I mean. The text below comes from today's alerts on AAPL by Beacon Equity research.

"In today's daily chart, AAPL's Bollinger Bands indicate greater than normal volatility as reflected by an increase in distance between the upper and lower bands. Trading within its Bollinger Bands, the stock reflects neither an overbought nor oversold condition relative to its recent price trend. MACD reflects a strong bearish signal, with the indicator below the 9-day moving average signal line, and also below the critical 0 level, indicating that moving averages are trending lower. With share price currently below the stock's 13-day moving average signal line, the bearish signal is more pronounced with decreasing moving averages."

I'll write this now by replacing some technical terms (bold) with Astrology concepts (bold too). See for yourselves... (BTW, I am no astrology expert, so the concepts I use will definitely be pure nonsense... whatever... it's all about proving a point).

"In today's daily chart, AAPL's Third House indicates greater than normal volatility as reflected by an increase in distance between Mercury and Venus. Trading within its Fifth House, the stock reflects neither an overbought nor oversold condition relative to its recent price trend. Pluto's vicinity to Zupiter reflects a strong bearish signal, with both planets below AAPL's ascendant zodiac, and also below the critical Moon position, indicating that both planets are trending lower. With share price currently below the stock's 13-day distance from full Moon, the bearish signal is more pronounced with decreasing position of Venus vis-a-vis Saturn."

See what I mean? No wonder some traders actually use astrology to guide their trades... like Nancy Reagan following her psychic's advice to guide Ronny is his strategic decisions...

Helter skelter... I admit, but, it sounds like fun... innit?